Love and Learn

Thursday, July 17, 2014 , , , , 0

Alex: Dating in LA sucks balls. I started seeing someone back in January.  It was refreshing to like someone again. From the first day we met we started a conversation that never ended. It was effortless and exciting. One of the first nights we hung out we found a huge tree on San Vicente, climbed to the perfect spot, and shared our first kiss. I was on cloud nine! I felt like I hit the jackpot, winning the lotto of love. Haha, that was so cheesy. Okay back to the story… At first it was all so easy. I would wake up to a ‘good morning’ text. We would talk on the phone for hours. The sex was wonderful. It was all too good to be true. Seriously.  A few months passed and I was left scratching my head wondering what the heck happened. It was like this shift in the universe and our relationship was forever changed. I started to see how single-minded he was. He didn’t know how to communicate, which is weird because he’s a coach, his job is to communicate.  All I know is that I kept holding on because when I would see him, everything felt right again. It was like a drug, we’d hang out, it felt good, I’d go home and the high would wear off and I was back to feeling ‘not me’ again. I would start to look at my phone in hopes he would text me, call me, anything! What was I doing? I started to want him to want me more than I actually wanted him myself.  It was getting to a point where I was spending more time unhappy than happy.  Then I remembered that sometimes what you learn from a relationship is often times more valuable than having it. So I got to thinking about what I learned:

- I learned about bulletproof coffee, I’ll always be thankful for that!
– I learned more about what I want in a man. I want my boyfriend to be my best friend and bring out the best in me. Someone who is thoughtful and open-minded.
– I learned the power of a great deep squat.
– I learned that I need to go camping more. I forgot how much I love to camp!
– I learned that if it seems to be too good to be true, it probably is. Real life has flaws. They’re just hard to see while you are being swept off your feet!
– Most importantly I learned I value my time and that I won’t settle for anyone who doesn’t value it too.

Writing these down made ending our ‘whatever it was’ easier. Why would I be upset when I learned so much about myself?

Nik: Because he was a dbag!  Sorry, but I had to say it.  I think that by writing these things down, you turned negative, unhealthy thoughts into something positive and empowered. And yes, you learned things and that is never ever bad, but at what price?  It saddens me how much girls will scratch and claw just to get the tiniest bit of affection (myself included.)  It’s like we start to measure our self-worth by the amount of attention we’re getting.  I saw this somewhere the other day, ‘If someone wants you in their life, they’ll put you there.  You shouldn’t have to fight for a spot.’  It’s sooooo true.  I think the second something feels off, you need to bring it up in a direct and honest way.  If it doesn’t feel better and I don’t mean all gushy and adrenaline fueled,  but in a feeling cherished sort of way, then walk.  Walk and don’t look back. And if you start to get that high-low-addicted feeling in a relationship, it’s a really good sign that you’re not being respected and to move on.  I’m happy you ditched him.
Alex: Haha I love you, Janae thought he was a douchelord too.  I like that quote a lot. It reminds me that the only people you should keep in your life are the ones that make you better. I should have walked a lot sooner, the second I wasn’t happy. I was just naive and hanging on to the hope that things would change, but the only person I can change is myself. I forget that sometimes.
Nik: So, you good?
Alex: Yeah, I’m good.
Nik: Really good?
Alex: Reaaaallly good.
Nik: Who’s the new guy? ;)


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