A Lesson I Want To Share

Wednesday, November 27, 2013 , , , , 0

Alex:  My mother called me today. It caught me off guard, I wasn’t ready. As my phone was ringing I had an instant flashback to the last time we spoke: “I don’t want to see you, Alex.” It has been months since I’ve talked to her. The feeling of hope that she was her old self again took over. I was walking into my friends house when I decided to pick up the phone and see what my estranged mother wants. I was greeted with disappointment. I’m not surprised. Why did I answer again? In the past, I would go along with her crazy, made-up, inebriated stories. Pretending like I was listening. Then more often than not she would say something that cut so deep, I’d fight back. I’d say things I didn’t mean. Then hang up the phone and be so bothered by our altercation that it’d end up ruining my night. I’ve been trying to have a relationship with my mother for so long, but every time we talk I end up with steam coming out of my ears. I turn into this vicious monster who can’t be tamed and then feel guilty about it later on. I think we all do this..put up with toxic relationships because you love them. A psycho boyfriend stalks your social media and makes you explain every post, every person you follow, every picture you like. You fight constantly and even though you know you should be in a better relationship you put up with it because you love him. Your girlfriend goes out and parties too much, gets drunk and is mean to you, but you put up with it anyway because you love her and you think she’ll change. Your mom is incapable of loving anyone and lives in her own fantasy world where you’re the evil villain, but you allow her to destroy you because she’s your mom and you love her. Alright, I think you get the picture. I’m tired of toxic relationships, Nik. I’m exhausted by putting up with people who don’t deserve to be in my life. I’m emotionally drained and shouldn’t have to deal with the constant negativity from someone I love. I’m finally accepting what is. No more playing victim. You can’t help someone who doesn’t want to be helped. You can’t control other people’s actions. You can’t change someone else, you can only make changes within yourself. I have an estranged mother, so what? Its made me who I am today. I like where I am and every time I talk to her, I back track. So why give someone the time of day who makes you backtrack? What you learn from a relationship is often times more valuable than having it.
Nik:  Hope is a tricky thing. I think hope is an innate characteristic we all have, and it’s tough when the realization that it’s time to let go sets in because it signifies that what you’ve hoped for isn’t possible. That’s a tough pill to swallow. It maybe feels like you’re giving up. But I think it’s very important to recognize the relationships that don’t serve you and to let them go gracefully. If you’re spending more time unhappy than happy in a situation, it’s not worth it, no matter how hopeful you are. It’s okay to walk away and protect yourself. It’s better. And it’s healthy. You can’t save anyone and you can’t force a relationship to be something it’s not. In the end, when you shed a toxic relationship, both people become better for it.
Alex:  Nik you are so good. Your words are quotable. I want to quote them all day everyday. Thank you so much for sharing your wisdom with me. I can’t tell you how many times a day I tell myself how lucky I am to have someone like you in my life!

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