Alex: I’m trying really hard to turn my frustration, and hurt, into motivation. I think that’s the only thing you can do when you’re feeling these emotions. I sent my dad and stepmom a copy of my script (they always nag me for not having anything done) so I was excited to hear what they had to say when a 55 page script arrived at their front door. The excitement was short lived. When he called to congratulate me, and let me know he received my script,  he also told me, “I probably won’t read it word for word.” REALLY!? I mean, come on. Can you at least pretend you’re going to read it? It took every ounce of strength in my body not to shout at him. I spent so many hours working on it and he couldn’t even take thirty minutes to read his daughter’s script? That’s when I realized how different we are. I know he loves me, but he’s not supportive of my dream. He doesn’t care what job I have, as long as it’s a job. I’ve never felt more alone. I feel so misunderstood by my family. Did your parents support your choice to become a writer?
Nik: Sorry bug. I can’t imagine how hard that must be. I was lucky to have a mom who fully backed my creative efforts so I haven’t been in your position. I do have a few thoughts though. First, I think you’re right to use it as motivation. It’s easy to let people’s opinions stop you in your tracks and make you question yourself and become fearful, but it can also be a huge motivator if you let it. I also think it’s important to understand that they’re just looking out for their little girl. There’s nothing easy about getting into TV writing and it isn’t a stable career. On some level, I’m sure their lack of enthusiasm is more or less concern for your well-being and your future. You can’t be mad at them for that. You just have to hear them out and try to understand why they feel the way they do and then surround yourself in LA with like-minded people who will keep you on track and help motivate and inspire you. I think too many people die without ever having lived their passion or fully realizing their God-given talent and potential. And I think that’s a damn shame. Good for you for believing in yourself enough to pursue your dream and not let fear or self-doubt (or that of others) keep you from it. Can you imagine growing old and always wondering ‘what if’? I can’t and that’s why I chased my dream until I caught up to it and tackled it to the ground making it my reality. And you know what? There isn’t one single day that I wake up and dread going to work. I freaking love it. I love it so much that when I’m not on a job, I’m at home writing for free. To me, that’s happiness. That’s what living should be. Now, release it and write your Emmy/Golden Globe/Academy Award acceptance speech and thank your parents for keeping the fire under your ass nice and hot.
Alex: Holy shit, Nik. I have goosebumps. Thank you.

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Alex: I’m not sure why this happens to me, but I keep meeting guys who I really like, only to find out that they live with their ex!  Both times this happened, they’ve been ‘broken up’ and claim to be moving out and moving on… The most current guy  makes me feel good and I could see myself liking him more down the road, but a part of me feels a little weird knowing he goes home to his ex-girlfriend every night. I’m not looking for anything serious, we haven’t even slept together; I’m just having fun hanging out with him.  I don’t know if I should say anything because I’m seeing other people, but I don’t want to develop feelings for someone who’s potentially unavailable. What would you do?
Nik: Ditch the fucker. Ahh, that felt good to say. Okay, but seriously the guy needs to move out (or his ex does.) As much as he says it’s over, he’s still sharing his home with her, which in my opinion is one’s most intimate space.  As available as he makes himself to you, he’s still not 100% open when he begins and ends each day with another woman. I’d hit the brakes and tell him that once they live separately, you’ll make time for him. Until then, you got a million trillion things you’d rather fuckin’ do, then to be fuckin’ with dude.
Alex: Did you just quote Big Sean?
Nik: Maybe.
Alex: I’m so proud. And Big Sean would be too.  You’re right though. I think I’m just attracted to the challenge. He’s a mess I want to clean up and I don’t know why.
Nik: Is it so that you don’t have to focus on your own stuff right now? I know you’re dealing with finishing your pilot, living alone for the first time and family drama… Sometimes we choose “projects aka people who aren’t great for us” so we can distract ourselves from doing our own work or healing our own wounds. Kinda feel like when people are in a really healthy and strong place, they choose people who don’t need cleaning up–people who make life easier and happier, not more challenging with let down after let down.
Alex: That makes a lot of sense. He’s just easier to think about than all the other stuff going on right now. And I think this applies to all relationships with the people in your life, they shouldn’t add to your problems.
Nik: Definitely not. When something or someone is really worth your time, you’ll feel supported and peaceful and genuinely very happy. And it’s really important not to run from your own pain. That’s all the good stuff that makes you cry and makes you bleed.  It’s the stuff that shows you that you’re alive and that you’ve got purpose. Don’t hide from yourself.
Alex: Thank you, I feel really clear on what I need to do. Ditch the fucker.
Nik: Big Sean will be proud.

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Alex:  Saturday nights used to be Janae  putting on her MEOW playlist as we’d try on 3 or 4 outfits before deciding what to wear.  Shelly would pour the drinks and after the buzz kicked in, Griffel would remind us that it was time to order the Uber. We’d dance until about 2 am, come home and make a pizza. It sucked when we ran out of ranch. Sundays were spent recovering, usually watching How I Met Your Mother, or off to the beach to relax and wait for the ocean to take care of our hangovers.  As much fun as that was, I wasn’t getting anywhere on my script! It’s been a couple of months now at my new job and I’m not going to lie, it’s not as easy as I thought it was going to be. Holy tots!  I didn’t know how much time and work went into writing a script.  For the first time I’m working on something I care about. It’s exciting, I’m not complaining, but I’m a little overwhelmed with how much I need to change. I can’t go out or stay up as late during the week because I won’t be productive the next day. One day of slacking and it’s three days of trying to catch up. Being around all of these writers had made me realize that I need to put more time in.  Which leads me to this debacle… My lease is almost up and my plan was to get a place with three of my friends, a cat, and a dog.  But now I’m not so sure. I’ve realized my life has been more ‘fun focused’ rather than ‘work focused’. I’m afraid I will feel left out when I see their pictures on Instagram having fun without me.  I know I’m being a baby. I just want to know it’ll be okay and that I’ll still have friends, even if I live alone.
Nik: It’ll be okay.
Alex: Thank you.
(later)
Alex: Really!? That’s all you’re going to give me?
(laaaater)
Alex: Whatever.
Nik: SORRY, I was busy FINISHING my SCRIPT because I live ALONE and have time and space to FINISH scripts and now I’m going to dinner with a BUNCH of FRIENDS! Yes, you’ll be okay! It’s called growing up and setting boundaries and having a schedule and knowing that if you want to make money as a writer you have to write–not act like you’re still in living in Sellery A.  Now. If it’s financially wise for you to have roomies than you should take that into consideration; you’ll just have to be a little better about setting goals and finding the discipline to achieve them.
Alex: Financially I can afford to live alone. I value my time and know that I need to use it more productively.
Nik: I think that you’ll be really happy in your own space.  I also think you’ll enjoy the time you get to spend with your friends even more. Worst case scenario, you die alone. Kidding. You can always get roommates again if you hate it.
Alex: You’re right. Thanks for always putting things into perspective when I can’t see them clearly.
Nik: You got it lil betch.

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Alex: Today was so exciting, Nik!!! I took notes for the first time in the writers’ room. Well, it wasn’t the main room but who cares. The writers split up into two groups and I was pulled into one of them to take notes on character arcs. I loved hearing how they brainstormed ideas. How they took turns talking and giving pitches. It was so cool to see them debate and question each other. Honestly, it was magical. I can’t tell you how hard it was to stay focused. At times my brain would wander… I wanted to play too! It feels incredible to be working somewhere where I want to move up the ladder. I had to bite my tongue so many times because I had an idea I wanted to share but I know what I say right now doesn’t matter. I bet you kill it in the writers’ room.
Nik: First of all, everything you have to say matters, there’s just a certain way to do it when you’re at your level.  You should keep notes of your ideas and if they aren’t pitched, then find the right time to approach one of the writers and offer them.  I know from working on the blog with you that you have good instincts, so my guess is that you have great ideas for the show.  It’s more about room politics.  Just feel out the mood and  float your ideas when the time is right.  Slowly, if you find that your ideas are sticking or you’re getting good feedback, you’ll gain their trust and they’ll be more open to hearing your pitches.  This is all good stuff.  I’m so proud of you and more than anything I’m happy you’re gaining experience and finding that you love it more and more.  Tells me that you made the right decision when you chose this job over A&R at Epic.
Alex: I just clapped when I read this.
Nik: Why?
Alex: Because I am so happy. Even though making that decision made me stressed as a mother, I know I made the right choice. It has never been more clear that I am doing what I’m supposed to be doing.
Nik: Made you stressed?
Alex: I know, I hate using that word around you.

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Alex: I’m sad. Actually, I’m just homesick, but being homesick makes me sad.  So I guess that does make me sad.  I just feel like I’ve missed out on so much back at home.  My brother won State for football, broke his hand and got surgery, graduated High School, turned eighteen and is leaving for college at the end of summer.  The list could go on and on.  And I’ve missed it all. Even some of my friends are getting married, having kids, or getting their own places.  It’s weird and it’s hard not being home for these events.  Holy cow I miss Wisconsin so much.  I miss Brewer tailgates, burgers on the grill, a friendly-turned-competitive game of Bags… usually guys versus girls. The hot humid air married with a cool crisp lake and a fully stocked cooler of Spotted Cow. The 4th of July arrives and the only thing you know for the next 48 hours is festivals, kickball, the beer tent, pool parties, and of course the fireworks.  For the past two years I’ve spent the 4th at Venice beach with awesome friends and food. It was still a lot of fun this year, I mean it’s hard to complain when you’re partying at the beach, but it just wasn’t the same. I think I just really need to go home. Not move home, just go home. I miss being able to ‘just go home’. Grr, the Monday after the 4th really sucks balls.
Nik:  I get homesick too.  And I don’t think those feelings ever go away.  I wish my family lived closer so I could just pop in whenever I wanted.  I think the thing that helps is planning ahead (although if you ask my family they’d laugh because I usually plan trips less than three weeks in advance.) But I try to go home every 4th of July, Thanksgiving and Christmas and they usually come out here once or twice a year. It’s not as good as living in the same city, but it lessens the homesickness because I know exactly when I’ll see them next.  You do realize that you get a ton of time off for the holidays when you work on a show, right? Have you checked your production calendar?  You should look and plan ahead so you can get a cheap ticket home!
Alex: Yep! We have roughly two weeks off around Christmas and I plan on being home the entire time. This feeling also motivates me to write more, finish my script, and start making money so I can have the liberty to travel whenever I want. Well, whenever we’re on hiatus.  As much as I would rather hear that the homesickness goes away, it’s comforting knowing I have you out here to always tell me how it is. We have to make it a point to go to Wisconsin together! Think about how much fun we would have!
Nik:  My dream is to do a Badger/Packer weekend.  Let’s do that.
Alex: That sounds like heaven. So does making out with Aaron Rodgers in a hammock by a campfire post-game.

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MAY 5
Email from Alex to Nik: I need your advice!  I got a job offer!  Things at Warner Bros Records have been going well… so well that I was recommended for a job at Epic Records, as an assistant to the VP of A&R, as well as another A&R. I would have a stable schedule, steady pay and get to listen to music all day.  It’s exactly what I wanted when I first started at WBR. I love music. It has been the love of my life since my first memory.  But the more I write and learn about the writing process, the more I can’t see myself being anything but a writer.  My dad thinks I’m an absolute nut for not accepting this position immediately. It has benefits, saving plans and stability… everything he values. It’s a great opportunity, but the thing is, I don’t know if it’s smart for me to take this job when I know I want to write. There is no doubt in my mind I will always be involved with music, I love writing lyrics and having jam sessions with my friends, but the second I found out I got the job, my stomach flipped upside down.  I’m worried that I will end up getting sucked into A&R.  I don’t know what to do.  Especially when there’s a chance that you might be able to get me an interview for a PA job on a TV show. What do you think I should do?

Text from Nik to Alex: Honestly, this is a tough one.   I’ve given your resume to three showrunners, but they already have PA’s.  I’m waiting on a pickup for The 100 on the CW because I think I can get you an interview there, but I don’t even know if they’re looking.  I know you need a job and music is a passion of yours, so I’d hate to tell you to hold off and then not be able to help you land a PA spot.  When do they need to know?
Alex: Tomorrow, but I wouldn’t start until next week.
Nik: I don’t know if The 100 will get picked up.  I feel strongly that it will, but there are no guarantees.   I think you should take the job.   You can always quit.
Alex: Won’t they hate me if I quit right away?
Nik:  Probably.  But who gives a shit if you get a job in a writers’ room on a TV show?  You don’t owe anybody anything.
Alex: I know.  AHH.  I just don’t know what to do.  This is hard.
Nik: Okay.  Instead of focusing on the options, take a minute to ask yourself why this choice is so hard.  Get quiet, get still, then get really honest with the noise inside your head.  Is the answer there?  Sometimes our fear is so loud and demanding that it’s hard to hear our intuition.  What are you scared of?  Your parents?  Your new boss getting mad at you for changing your mind?  I know you Alex and I know how badly you want to write. You’ve been very clear with them from the beginning that you’re an aspiring writer and only a complete d-bag would get mad at you for following your dreams if an opportunity arises.  Take the job.  If I can’t help you get a PA job, then you’ll have a great gig.  If a PA job comes up, we’ll deal with it then.

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Alex:  I am in such a different place today than I was a year ago it is absolutely insane. I had such a fun college life, all I did was play. Now it’s hard to enjoy playing, I always feel like there’s something else I could and should be doing. It’s weird. The weirdest part is that I don’t even WANT to go out. I would rather stay in so I can be productive the next day, I can’t work when I’m hungover or tired. Okay before I make myself sound like too much of a grandma I still go out. At least one night a week, but I used to go out 3 to 4 sometimes 5 nights a week! I’m just starting to go through withdrawals and feel like a loser. There’s always that group of friends that go out all the time and you start to feel left out because you’re not going out as much. Am I being too lazy? I need to go out more. How often did you go out when you were 24?
Nik:  I went out all the time last year.  Um, not sure really, but I can tell you that the key is balance.  Your intuition will guide you.  If you have work to do, you know what it takes to get that work done and going out probably isn’t the best idea.  But you’ll also get the sense that you’re missing out or being a ‘grandma’ when you’re spending too much time locked up in your little makeshift office in the corner of your bedroom.  I think you need to prioritize and set reasonable goals and if you’ve reached your goals then nurture your relationships and go out and have some fun. Just make sure by the end of the week, you’re happy about what you’ve accomplished.  My guess is that if you’re feeling guilty about going out, it’s because you know you owe more to yourself and your career than what you’ve been giving.  Your emotions will guide you.  Stay connected to that inner voice and honor what it’s telling you.  That is all.
Alex: You’re so right it’s annoying. I’m going to have a drink. Cheers!

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Alex: No joke. This is real life; I’m either becoming a loser or a grownup. Both are scary. It’s a Saturday night and I am laying on the couch, relaxing in silence until I get bored of surfing the internet and ready to start reading or writing. The guy I’m sleeping with is already home passed out and my roommate is getting ready to go to a party at this beautiful house in the Palisades. Ready for the best part? My back  hurts. Talk about change. A year ago I was bartending and going out 4-5 times a week.  Granted I did have my writers class today which was immediately followed by a 6 hour shift at work. I started that whole server thing again until I get a real job. Sigh.  I live with two other girls so having the place to myself is rare, I love when it happens. This post-college-pre-adulthood phase is weird. It’s a transition that you’re in long enough to be aware of. You have a lot more to be responsible for and that can sometimes be a buzz kill. I want to go out, but I’m too tired and I have too many things to do tomorrow. I can’t afford to be hungover or tired the next day anymore. That’s too much time away from responsibility. Recently, I tried going out and only having one or two drinks, but even then I wake up the next day still not feeling 100%. My body hates me or I’m too tired to think straight. That’s embarrassing. Or is it growing up? I like to tell myself that it’s growing up and it’s okay. That it doesn’t matter that it’s Saturday night. During the week I start later than most people so I can go out during the week if I really want. No it’s embarrassing I’m 24. I should still be getting all dolled up and going out every weekend, even if I don’t drink. Do you see my problem here? Please tell you went through this phase. Or tell me to stop being such a granny and party more. 
Nik:  Honey, that’s called DRIVE!  It doesn’t mean you’re a loser or getting old, it means that you’ve got vision and ambition and you want a certain life.  Tell me in a few years when you’ve got the job of your dreams, you’re all dolled up at a party and feeling amazing because you worked hard and achieved something great, that you regret staying in a few Saturday nights. When that moment comes, you’ll realize it was just the beginning of your journey to make your dreams come true. Nothing buzz kill about that.

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Alex:  A close friend from high school recently got married. She’s my first girlfriend to get married. I was in the bridal party so I was there when they got married. I can’t stop saying the word married. I think it’s because it scares me a little. I know I’m only 24 and people say that I’m young, but it doesn’t change the fact that every now and then I’m overwhelmed with the pressure of finding love and settling down. I get these intense waves of emotion that send my mind racing down lonely lane. I don’t address these feelings often, but they’re there. Like a little crack in the mirror of love that reminds me every so often that I’m still single. Did I take that too far? Don’t get me wrong, I do love weddings and the idea of love. They’re fun and being a part of someone’s big day, that they’re going to remember for a lifetime, is an honor. But I’m just on a different boat entirely. I can’t think of marriage right now. Thinking of being with someone for eternity freaks me out. I think it’s scary because I’m single and I’m afraid I’m never going to find someone good enough. I know, I know, I’m being dramatic, but at times I really feel the pressure of finding that somebody. I haven’t brought a guy home to meet my family since my last relationship five years ago. I have a feeling my parents think there’s something wrong with me, they’ve even made a few jokes about it. It’s just really hitting me that I’m not in college anymore. Boy is it crazy how fast those years flew by. Why isn’t there a time machine? I want to go back! I have these moments where I don’t want to let go of that care-free life and accept how hard the real world is. Do these feelings ever go away?
Nik:  For sure. I think once you find a job that you love and get your groove in LA, you’ll start to really love life post-college. I mean, do you really want to read twenty chapters on some bullshit you don’t care about and then write a twenty page paper on what you read only to hand it in and do it all over again? Now you get to read your own book and write your own paper and that’s the best, most exciting thing ever! I’m guessing you miss your friends the most and the safety of structure. So create your own structure out here by developing a routine, nurture your friendships and start dating (for every guy in LA’s sake!) You don’t have to look at each guy as future-baby-daddy material, just as casual and fun encounters that will expose you to a more expanded view. Stop thinking. Start kissing.
Alex:  That’s a great bumper sticker ‘Stop thinking. Start kissing’. Or maybe even a tattoo!! Just kidding, I would never. Anyway, you’re right. I am guilty of sometimes taking life too seriously. So less thinking and more kissing… I think I can do that!

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Alex:  I read something the other day that really stuck with me.  Nik, remember when you came over right before you left to go home for Thanksgiving and I was having a bit of a freak out moment?  I was overwhelmed with finding a job, being away from home for the holidays for the first time, keeping up with how expensive it is to live in LA, etc.?  I was pacing back and forth, steam coming out of my ears. I was frustrated that I couldn’t figure out what I wanted to write for my pilot, or what to wear to a holiday party that weekend or anything for that matter. I felt like I was drowning in struggles and you reminded me that I knew how to tread. You told me that this is part of the process and to remember I’m on the right track and that success doesn’t happen overnight. Well, I read this article today that goes exactly in line with what you were saying… but for some reason seeing it written down in front of me made it click. It is hard. These moments where you think the internal struggle won, but if you change how you look at it, it can actually serve as a reminder that you’re on the right path. Thanks again for listening to me vent and knowing what to say to bring me back to sanity. I hope this can help some of my fellow muses in the ways that it helped me.

What Every Successful Person Knows But Never Says 

Nik:  I posted this and then read the article and I’m so happy you’re sharing.  It’s exactly right.  And the amount of work you put into your craft, the hours you log, the never EVER giving up when you hear someone tell you your first script is shit, that fire in your belly, that commitment you make to yourself, that’s what gets you your dream job in the writers’ room of a TV show. Never stop.  Never give up. Believe in your ability and yourself more than anyone else.  And produce material and keep producing.  How will anyone know you have killer taste, if you don’t share?

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