Nik: Sit, settle in, soak in the creative bath, let the words find you, ride the ride, let it unfold, let it be great, let it be average, breathe life in and let it live.
Alex: Are you starting a new pilot?
Nik: Yep.
Alex: Yesssss. I can’t wait to read this bad boy. Is this on your new pilot playlist?
Nik: #1 and currently on repeat.
Alex: Do you always make a playlist for every project you write?
Nik: Normally I find one song that inspires me and I listen to it over and over. It usually matches the tone of what I’m writing and puts me in an aligned emotional state. Or sometimes I just need a song that inspires me but can be white noise at the same time. On my last project I created a playlist and listened to it everywhere (driving, working out, etc.) to keep me motivated. But it all starts with one song…
Alex: Sweet! Do you remember all of your “starter songs”?
Nik: A few of them… For my very first pilot, I listened to Nowhere Again by The Secret Machines over and over and over. Another one was Berzerk by Eminem. Oh! And Lenka’s Everything At Once. I can’t remember the other starter songs…
Alex: I really like this idea. I constantly make playlists, but I never have it catered to one specific thing I’m writing. It’s like creating your own soundtrack. I’m going to try it.

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Alex: A lot of people in LA go sober for the month of January. Mostly because they drink so much over the holidays and need a refresh. I decided to join the trend and take on the challenge. I don’t have a drinking problem or anything, but I wanted to realign my will power. As a writer, you set a lot of your own deadlines and I felt like I was slacking with self discipline so I needed to remind myself that I control my choices. I went with what I thought would be simple… sobriety. But it wasn’t as easy as I thought it would be. I noticed how much of a crutch drinking is in a social setting. The booze becomes a security blanket that warms me up when stepping outside of my comfort zone. It’s easier to talk to someone you just met or dance and not care what anyone thinks once you’ve had a few drinks. But after the first night I realized how much more I appreciate a sober conversation. You’re not only more present during the conversation, but you can remember them afterwards. It was eye-opening to be the only sober one at a party and watch people talk about the same things over and over. After a couple of weeks, I started to feel more motivated, it was easier to get up in the morning; life just seemed a little more grounded when I wasn’t prioritizing the weekend escape. I’m not saying that I’m done drinking, I’m just done pretending like I’m still in college.
Nik: Although I just had a Sunday mimosa and am a little buzzed as I type this, I must admit there’s something really powerful about going sober. I don’t consider myself the most devout person, but every year I give up something for Lent. I like the discipline of it and the psychology behind giving up something that’s challenging to live without. One year I gave up french fries, another year shopping and one year I gave up booze. I was sober for 40 days. It was hard at first, mostly because as a single person in LA, a lot of what you spend your time doing includes drinking with friends at dinner or various events. But without it I found that my conversations with friends were more succinct and meaningful, my mood was more balanced, I slept better, I got more done, and I just felt an overall sense of well-being that can only come from that sort of discipline. It was pretty great. And man that first sip of wine after taking 40 days off tasted like poison. It was crazy. I think it was really good that you participated in Sober January. I think it’s a good lesson in self-discipline and makes you really understand that you’re in control of your choices and the power that comes with that.
Alex: French fries?! What are you giving up this year for Lent?
Nik: I gave up negativity. It’s so hard! I mean AWESOME!
Alex: Boss status. I like the idea of giving something up each month.
Nik: Me too. It’s such a great practice in mindfulness and forces you to be present.
Alex: I agree. Hmm what should I give up next?
Nik: Pizza.
Alex: No.

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Alex: I’m trying really hard to turn my frustration, and hurt, into motivation. I think that’s the only thing you can do when you’re feeling these emotions. I sent my dad and stepmom a copy of my script (they always nag me for not having anything done) so I was excited to hear what they had to say when a 55 page script arrived at their front door. The excitement was short lived. When he called to congratulate me, and let me know he received my script,  he also told me, “I probably won’t read it word for word.” REALLY!? I mean, come on. Can you at least pretend you’re going to read it? It took every ounce of strength in my body not to shout at him. I spent so many hours working on it and he couldn’t even take thirty minutes to read his daughter’s script? That’s when I realized how different we are. I know he loves me, but he’s not supportive of my dream. He doesn’t care what job I have, as long as it’s a job. I’ve never felt more alone. I feel so misunderstood by my family. Did your parents support your choice to become a writer?
Nik: Sorry bug. I can’t imagine how hard that must be. I was lucky to have a mom who fully backed my creative efforts so I haven’t been in your position. I do have a few thoughts though. First, I think you’re right to use it as motivation. It’s easy to let people’s opinions stop you in your tracks and make you question yourself and become fearful, but it can also be a huge motivator if you let it. I also think it’s important to understand that they’re just looking out for their little girl. There’s nothing easy about getting into TV writing and it isn’t a stable career. On some level, I’m sure their lack of enthusiasm is more or less concern for your well-being and your future. You can’t be mad at them for that. You just have to hear them out and try to understand why they feel the way they do and then surround yourself in LA with like-minded people who will keep you on track and help motivate and inspire you. I think too many people die without ever having lived their passion or fully realizing their God-given talent and potential. And I think that’s a damn shame. Good for you for believing in yourself enough to pursue your dream and not let fear or self-doubt (or that of others) keep you from it. Can you imagine growing old and always wondering ‘what if’? I can’t and that’s why I chased my dream until I caught up to it and tackled it to the ground making it my reality. And you know what? There isn’t one single day that I wake up and dread going to work. I freaking love it. I love it so much that when I’m not on a job, I’m at home writing for free. To me, that’s happiness. That’s what living should be. Now, release it and write your Emmy/Golden Globe/Academy Award acceptance speech and thank your parents for keeping the fire under your ass nice and hot.
Alex: Holy shit, Nik. I have goosebumps. Thank you.

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Nik: Get up at same time everyday, use Sonicare, meditate, run, take vitamins, take probiotics, drink less coffee, drink more water, drink less wine, exfoliate, wear sunscreen, get healthy, think healthy, be healthy, eat healthy, strong mind, keep moving, strong spirit, keep laughing, love more, hate less, be positive, be impeccable, cook more, travel more, be a better friend, be a better daughter, be a better sister, be a better lover, be a wife, be a mother, be a creator, motivator, mentor, finish spec, start new spec, finish feature, work on my serve, go to the driving range, learn Spanish, learn French, organize drawers, organize schedule, organize mind. Breathe. I’m ready, are you?
Alex: I’m so ready to… unapologetically say no, read, write, read, stop slouching, moisturize my skin, cut out gluten, read, appreciate every inch of my body, have more dance parties in my room (or your living room), laugh more, worry less, be thankful for life and did I mention read? I also second everything you said. 2015 feels like it’s going to be a good one. I know people say that every year, but my perspective is different. My values have changed. And my give a damn about what anyone thinks is busted. CHEERS!
Nik: Cheers panda!

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Nik: Every Thanksgiving my family watches Christmas movies while we work through the turkey coma. It’s always the same… Christmas Vacation, Elf, A Christmas Story.  Each year, I notice something new; usually in Christmas Vacation (btw, I live for Chevy Chase’s monologue at the end), but this year I learned something deeply profound from Elf. My sister and I were sifting through the Black Friday deals in the newspaper while simultaneously bashing the hordes of morons who actually shop on that day (us included–it’s a love/hate affair) and while we were sifting, Mary Steenburgen’s character asked Buddy how he slept and he responded with, “Great! I got a full 40 minutes!” My sister and I looked at each other and burst out laughing. I mean can you imagine if I was that excited about getting only 40 minutes of sleep? My sister said that’s what makes the movie so funny–Buddy sees everything as positive and expresses himself in an overtly excited way even in a negative situation. That’s the genius of it. I told my sister that we should try saying everything like Buddy–specifically if it was something we were complaining about. The challenge was real. We both discovered how negative we were. We ventured out on Black Friday and it was cold. And busy. And did I say really cold? At one point I said, “I’m freezing my ass off.” My sister corrected me and said, “You mean… I’m freezing my ass off!!!” She didn’t change the words, she just changed the attitude behind them. Instead of my sourpuss and snark, she said it like Buddy would’ve, with a huge smile and loads of excitement, and the freezing cold suddenly became very funny. We did it for the rest of my vacation. Not only did we become aware of our attitudes and how much we were complaining, but we actually stopped complaining all together because when we did, we sounded so ridiculous. There you go. Wisdom from Elf.
Alex: MY BACK REALLY HURTS! It’s SUPER! You’re right, it’s kind of fun. No one likes a cotton-headed ninnymuggins.
Nik: Right?!
Alex: Super right!
Nik: Double thumbs up!
Alex: High five!
Nik: Fist bump!
Alex: Chest bump!
Nik: Whoa.
Alex: You mean WHOA!

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Alex: I did it! Holy shitcakes Nik, I finished the FIRST draft of my pilot! I don’t even know how to tell you what I’m feeling right now. I’ve never been this far along on a creative project in my life. 54 pages. Read em’ and weep baby. I feel like I could run an entire marathon right now. Honestly, nothing could make me angry in this moment. I’ll prove it. Try to say something that you think will make me mad.
Nik: I can’t because I’m so flipping happy right now!
Alex: C’mon try!
Nik: Uh… I slept with Aaron Rodgers while I was in GB.
Alex: See? Not mad!
Nik: Yeah, that’s more high five worthy anyway. Seriously though, I’m so proud of you. Finishing a script is a HUGE accomplishment. You stepped up and you got it done.
Alex: It’s moments like this that I realize hard work really does pay off. I know I still have a ways to go until it’s ready for you to read, but I proved to myself that I can do anything I put my mind to. Even better, I proved to myself that I am a writer. I had many late nights at the office finishing this, and I know I still have many more to come. But it doesn’t scare me. I had to remind myself to think long-term gratification rather than short-term gratification. Whenever I needed a dose of motivation I’d read Quotes Porn. I stayed in a lot, missed out on a few parties and dinners. But this feeling beats any party, any food. Even pizza. And if I’m honest, I’m more excited to be done with this project so I can move on to the next one. I have a pocket full of other ideas that I’m ready to play with. Life is good, Nik. Thank you for inspiring me on the days I felt defeated. You a bad ass bitch, I learned from the best.
Nik: We need to celebrate.
Alex: With pizza?
Nik: Anything you want.
Alex: A naked Aaron Rodgers feeding us Pizza.

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Alex: I’m not sure why this happens to me, but I keep meeting guys who I really like, only to find out that they live with their ex!  Both times this happened, they’ve been ‘broken up’ and claim to be moving out and moving on… The most current guy  makes me feel good and I could see myself liking him more down the road, but a part of me feels a little weird knowing he goes home to his ex-girlfriend every night. I’m not looking for anything serious, we haven’t even slept together; I’m just having fun hanging out with him.  I don’t know if I should say anything because I’m seeing other people, but I don’t want to develop feelings for someone who’s potentially unavailable. What would you do?
Nik: Ditch the fucker. Ahh, that felt good to say. Okay, but seriously the guy needs to move out (or his ex does.) As much as he says it’s over, he’s still sharing his home with her, which in my opinion is one’s most intimate space.  As available as he makes himself to you, he’s still not 100% open when he begins and ends each day with another woman. I’d hit the brakes and tell him that once they live separately, you’ll make time for him. Until then, you got a million trillion things you’d rather fuckin’ do, then to be fuckin’ with dude.
Alex: Did you just quote Big Sean?
Nik: Maybe.
Alex: I’m so proud. And Big Sean would be too.  You’re right though. I think I’m just attracted to the challenge. He’s a mess I want to clean up and I don’t know why.
Nik: Is it so that you don’t have to focus on your own stuff right now? I know you’re dealing with finishing your pilot, living alone for the first time and family drama… Sometimes we choose “projects aka people who aren’t great for us” so we can distract ourselves from doing our own work or healing our own wounds. Kinda feel like when people are in a really healthy and strong place, they choose people who don’t need cleaning up–people who make life easier and happier, not more challenging with let down after let down.
Alex: That makes a lot of sense. He’s just easier to think about than all the other stuff going on right now. And I think this applies to all relationships with the people in your life, they shouldn’t add to your problems.
Nik: Definitely not. When something or someone is really worth your time, you’ll feel supported and peaceful and genuinely very happy. And it’s really important not to run from your own pain. That’s all the good stuff that makes you cry and makes you bleed.  It’s the stuff that shows you that you’re alive and that you’ve got purpose. Don’t hide from yourself.
Alex: Thank you, I feel really clear on what I need to do. Ditch the fucker.
Nik: Big Sean will be proud.

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Alex: Have you ever gotten half way through a script and realized you hate it? And that it’s not nearly as good of an idea as you thought it was? Well, that’s where I’m at. I’ve been writing scenes everyday and even though this is the first one I’ve ever written, I know I’m capable of producing better! My vocabulary stinks. My plot line isn’t as complex as I want it to be. My transitions are okay but could be better. I’m just not liking anything I’m writing at the moment. Describing a character or a scene is a lot harder than what I thought it would be! What was I thinking writing a Sci-Fi for my first script? I guess the only take away from this experience is that I am on the right path. I know I was born to be a writer. Even though I’m stumbling right now, I want to keep going.  I just wish I would have realized this sooner and finished this damn pilot months ago so I could be working on something new. Have you ever written a script and done nothing with it?
Nik: I actually think it’s a really good sign that you’re feeling this way. I know you don’t want to hear that, but almost everyone’s first script sucks. Trust me. In like five years (shit probably in a year) you’ll go back and read this sucker and be mortified.  If you were telling me that the script is amazing and you’re going to sell it and you can’t wait for me to read it, I’d be worried.  Just keep moving. Writing is rewriting (duh, but true) and your script will improve a million percent once you give it to people for notes and start doing rewrites on it. It’s good that you know it can be better. It really is. Keep going!
Alex: Thanks boo.
Nik: Welcome boo.
Alex: Knock, knock…
Nik: Really?
Alex: Yes. Knock, knock…
Nik: Who’s there?
Alex: Boo.
Nik: No.

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Alex: I feel like EVERYTHING has been done before. It’s annoying and irritating and makes me want to pull my hair out and kick my computer screen off my desk and scream like a child who just found out that Christmas isn’t happening this year. While I was writing a scene  last night, I thought of a concept for my next pilot. Later, after I was done writing, I danced with the new idea for a bit. I decided to do a little research and within 30 seconds I discovered it’s already been made into a show. I put away my phone and pouted like a little girl until I fell asleep. Why? WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY!?
Nik: My first pilot was in development until the network called and said they were passing on the project because it was in conflict with a show that had been picked up to series.  And by ‘in conflict’ they meant that it was too similar.  So.  I’ve been there.  And it sucks.  But it happens and it happens all the time. Not long after, I found myself at this great art exhibit at the Whitney Museum in New York and it was life changing.  The show had pieces from all the greats hanging in couplets–I can’t remember exactly, but it was something like Picasso’s Bathers with Beach Ball hanging next to Nudes With Beach Ball by Roy Lichtenstein and so on.  They were clearly inspired by one or the other.  They were of the same subject, but in the artist’s own style and medium.  It’s the same with music.  And it’s the same with writing.  Very little is 100% original.  It’s almost impossible to achieve.  But you know what’s original?  YOUR voice.  Not one single person has your voice or your experience or your spin on the story that you want to tell.  If your idea is already out there, then figure out a way to make it new.  Add your vision and your voice and make the idea YOURS.  If it’s something that has been done, ask yourself how you can make it fresh.
Alex: You just gave me goosepimples! You are so right. You’re always right. I don’t know what I did to deserve such a smart mentor but I sure am thankful. I copied and pasted this response into my phone so I can read it whenever I’m frustrated with this subject. I do have a voice and I’m excited to share it with the world. A wise woman once said, “There’s a storm in my head, the world should take cover.”
Nik: If only we had more twitter followers to see those nuggets.
Alex: Ugh… I haven’t had chicken nuggets in so long.
Nik: Me either. Let’s tweet about it.
Alex: And eat about it.

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Alex:  Saturday nights used to be Janae  putting on her MEOW playlist as we’d try on 3 or 4 outfits before deciding what to wear.  Shelly would pour the drinks and after the buzz kicked in, Griffel would remind us that it was time to order the Uber. We’d dance until about 2 am, come home and make a pizza. It sucked when we ran out of ranch. Sundays were spent recovering, usually watching How I Met Your Mother, or off to the beach to relax and wait for the ocean to take care of our hangovers.  As much fun as that was, I wasn’t getting anywhere on my script! It’s been a couple of months now at my new job and I’m not going to lie, it’s not as easy as I thought it was going to be. Holy tots!  I didn’t know how much time and work went into writing a script.  For the first time I’m working on something I care about. It’s exciting, I’m not complaining, but I’m a little overwhelmed with how much I need to change. I can’t go out or stay up as late during the week because I won’t be productive the next day. One day of slacking and it’s three days of trying to catch up. Being around all of these writers had made me realize that I need to put more time in.  Which leads me to this debacle… My lease is almost up and my plan was to get a place with three of my friends, a cat, and a dog.  But now I’m not so sure. I’ve realized my life has been more ‘fun focused’ rather than ‘work focused’. I’m afraid I will feel left out when I see their pictures on Instagram having fun without me.  I know I’m being a baby. I just want to know it’ll be okay and that I’ll still have friends, even if I live alone.
Nik: It’ll be okay.
Alex: Thank you.
(later)
Alex: Really!? That’s all you’re going to give me?
(laaaater)
Alex: Whatever.
Nik: SORRY, I was busy FINISHING my SCRIPT because I live ALONE and have time and space to FINISH scripts and now I’m going to dinner with a BUNCH of FRIENDS! Yes, you’ll be okay! It’s called growing up and setting boundaries and having a schedule and knowing that if you want to make money as a writer you have to write–not act like you’re still in living in Sellery A.  Now. If it’s financially wise for you to have roomies than you should take that into consideration; you’ll just have to be a little better about setting goals and finding the discipline to achieve them.
Alex: Financially I can afford to live alone. I value my time and know that I need to use it more productively.
Nik: I think that you’ll be really happy in your own space.  I also think you’ll enjoy the time you get to spend with your friends even more. Worst case scenario, you die alone. Kidding. You can always get roommates again if you hate it.
Alex: You’re right. Thanks for always putting things into perspective when I can’t see them clearly.
Nik: You got it lil betch.

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